“I can’t believe this is actually a place to review, but, alas, here it is!”
—J.B.
There are reviews online for just about any space you can be in. Not only for the ones you’d expect, like restaurants or hotels, but also for places like parking garages — and parks. Sometimes they’re helpful, sometimes the reviewer just needs to vent, and sometimes they get a bit absurd.
The weird ones are the best.
Case in point: Amberwood Park in Chandler.
I don’t remember how I stumbled on its Google listing, but I was surprised that over 140 people felt strongly enough to weigh in on this little park – if you can even call it that.
A Park by Any Other Name
“Calling Amberwood Park a ‘park’ may be something of a misnomer. Amberwoood Park is more of a good sized green belt with a small playground for kids on the north side of the park.”
—4-star review by M.R.
That sounds exactly like a park to me.
And deep down, even M.R. (I’ll just refer to reviewers by their initials) knows it too.
Philosophical questions about the nature of parkdom aside, I needed to see for myself what all the fuss was about. So last time Phillip, Quijote, and I were leaving the Phoenix area to head back to Tucson, we made a strategic stop in Chandler.
A Walk in Amberwood Park
“Just a park for the kids and the dogs and the drones, etc.”
–4-star review by T.L.Q.
I can now confirm firsthand that Amberwood is indeed a park.
In addition to the playground, it has lots of open space to run around, park benches, a basketball hoop, a meandering path, and a sand volleyball court. In case you still had doubts, the Chandler Parks Department signs are a dead giveaway.
We did see kids and dogs there, but no drones. (Maybe they have a separate off-leash drone park somewhere else-?)
Of course, like any place, Amberwood Park has its detractors.
Gone to the Dogs
“Dirty place. Wouldn’t take a classy lady there.”
—1-star review by J.R.
Everyone knows that if you want to impress a classy lady, you take her to a city park. A clean one.
“The play area is covered in wood chips, which is better than sand, but makes me feel like a gerbil.”
—3-star review by J.W.
Which sounds less like it’s about Amberwood Park and more like it’s about J.W.
Then there’s this complaint…
“Skateboarders have taken over the children’s playground. You’ll occasionally get the smell of weed wafting in your direction.”
—1-star review by A.C.
Which was followed immediately by this much more chill description of the park…
“Huge and pretty level with decent grass.”
—5-star review from K.M.
Interpret that how you will.
For the record, the evening we were there, the playground was populated by small children and a large dog. No stoned skaters. Nor wafting weed smells. It seemed more likely that St. Bernards would take over than skater kids.
The Neighbors Are Nice
“Every holiday season my family and I come down this road at least once. It’s short but sweet and the neighbors are nice.”
—5-star review by J.B. (continued from the first quote)
When I read this one, I was trying to figure out how big of a park this is to have a road running through it. Then I realized they weren’t talking about the park.
Amberwood is just one street over from Upland Drive, one of those neighborhoods where all the houses have over-the-top holiday decorations. It actually has its own spot on the map, listed as Upland Families Christmas Lights. But some of its reviews were left on the park’s listing instead.
“Loved how everyone shared their Christmas joy and allowed us to visit and see the beautiful Christmas lights and how creative everyone is! It was a pretty amazing experience. Thank you to everyone who decided and took the amazing time to decorate their beautiful home.”
–O.F.
According to O.F., this was an “amazing experience,” but not a 5-star one.
She continues…
“We give four stars only because we wish more of the neighbors had lights around their house. And for everyone to leave the Christmas lights on until 10.”
—4-star review by O.F.
That is some very specific feedback.
I’m unclear why reviewers feel the need to critique a neighborhood’s holiday spirit. But I guess every Whoville has at least one Grinch. And anyplace people go, online reviews will follow.
All I can do is say that I hope you’re having a happy holiday season, and may all your neighbors leave their Christmas lights on until 10!
These are real reviews I edited for clarity.
